(分享) 鞏固婚姻 Strengthening Marriages

上上週跟老公去聽了一場很棒的演講，8/7在台北金華街教堂的一場特別演講。

Dr. Rick Miller 米勒教授是 Brigham Young University 楊百翰大學家庭生活學院的系主任，他的主要研究是婚姻以​及健康之間的關係，也就是良好的婚姻或是不良的婚姻會如​何影響夫妻兩人的身體健康。也因為這樣，他對婚姻的研究​也注重在如何經由不同的方式讓婚姻更成功、更持久、更快​樂。

以下是好友Lena經過米勒教授本人同意後所整理刊出的內容，我轉錄如下：

原文網址：

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=10150366777672028

========================================

Following is the outline of Dr. Richard Miller's fireside talks in Taipei, Kaohsiung, and "somewhere in the mountain" (as he told me). It came straight out of his slides and is shared with his permission.

以下大綱摘自Dr. Richard Miller於2011年8月6-7日於台灣高雄、台北、以及"深山某個地方"(我搞不清楚是在哪裡；他是這樣跟我描述的)的鞏固家庭與婚姻演講大綱，經教授同意後分享轉寄。

Strengthening Marriages

鞏固婚姻

• The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)家庭是神所制定，男女之間的婚姻是祂永恆計畫的基本部分。孩子有權力在婚約下出生，並由完全忠貞、奉行婚姻誓約的父母養育。 (家庭：致全世界文告)

Married People Live Longer

已婚的人較為長壽

• Research has found that getting divorced is as dangerous on a man’s health as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.
• 研究發現，離婚對於男人的健康危害，相當於一天抽一包香菸。
• Being non-married is a greater mortality risk factor for men than having heart disease.
• 單身對於男性所造成的死亡機率，比心臟疾病造成的死亡機率還要高。
• Being non-married is a greater mortality risk factor for women than having cancer.
• 單身對於女性所造成的死亡機率，比罹癌造成的死亡機率還要高。

Married people are healthier

已婚的人比較健康

• Married adults are more likely to report their health as very good or excellent than same-age never-married, divorced, or widowed adults.
• 和同齡中未婚、離婚、或喪偶的人相較之下，已婚的成人較有可能回報其健康狀況很良好或非常良好。
• Married men and women are less likely than singles to have chronic illness or disability.
• 和單身的人相較之下，已婚的男性和女性罹患慢性病或殘疾的可能性較低。

Married people live healthier lifestyles, especially men

已婚者的生活模式比較健康，男性尤其如此

• Married people drink less alcohol and smoke less.
• 已婚的人較少飲酒或抽菸。
• Single men drink twice as much as married men.
• 單身男性比已婚男性的飲酒量高兩倍。
• Wives encourage their husbands to eat more nutritious food and to have good sleep habits.
• 妻子會鼓勵丈夫吃較健康的食物、以及要有好的睡眠習慣。
• Wives encourage husbands to visit the doctor and comply with doctors’ directives.
• 妻子會鼓勵丈夫去看醫生、並且要遵守醫生的交代。
• Married women also have fewer risky behaviors, but the difference isn’t as large as for men.
• 已婚的女性比較少從事有危險性的行為，但是這比例在男性身上較為顯著。

Married People Have Better Mental Health

已婚的人心理狀況比較健康

• Widowed and divorced adults are three times more likely than married adults to commit suicide.
• 喪偶或離婚成人的自殺率比已婚成人高三倍。
• Married people are less likely than never-married, divorced, or widowed adults to suffer from depression or anxiety.
• 和未婚、離婚或喪偶的成人相較之下，已婚的人比較不會有憂鬱症或焦慮症。

Married People are Better Off Financially

已婚的人經濟狀況較佳

• Married men make more money than single men, even when they have similar jobs—they are more productive at work.
• 已婚男性比單身男性收入更高，即使在兩者工作性質相似的情況下也是如此；已婚男性的工作效率比較高。
• Married people accumulate more financial assets than single adults.
• 已婚的人比單身的人累積更多資產。
• Married adults save more of their earnings than non-married adults.
• 和未婚成人相較之下，已婚成人比較會儲蓄薪水。
• Married people are far less likely to live in poverty than single adults.
• 和單身的人相較之下，已婚的人處於貧窮狀況的可能性低很多。

Children with Married Parents areDevelopmentally Healthier

孩子的雙親若是在婚，他們的發展比較健康

Compared to children with who are living with only one parent, children with married parents are

和只與單親同住的孩子相較之下，父母在婚的孩子：

• less likely to be poor 　較不會處於貧窮的狀況中
• less likely to have fewer health problems and psychological disorders 較不會有健康問題或心理疾病
• less likely to commit crimes　較不會犯罪
• more likely to attain more years of education 較為可能接受比較多的教育
• have lower divorce rates in adulthood　在成人期離婚率較低
• earn more money in adulthood 　在成人期賺比較多錢
• less likely to suffer physical and sexual abuse 較不會受到肢體上的虐待或性虐待

The first commandment that God gave Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.Happiness in family life is most likely achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

神賜給亞當與夏娃的第一條誡命，與他們夫妻為人父母的潛能有關。我們宣告，神要祂兒女生養眾多、遍滿地面的誡命，至今仍有效。以主耶穌基督的教訓為基礎，最有可能獲得家庭生活的幸福。(家庭：致全世界文告)

Benefits of Strong Marriages

穩固婚姻的好處

• Longer lives　較為長壽
• Better health among both spouses 夫妻兩人都會比較健康
• Less depression and other mental health problems 較少憂鬱症以及其他心理健康問題
• Better financial well-being 財務狀況較佳
• More work productivity　工作生產力較高
• Better adjusted, more successful children 孩子適應力較強、較為成功
• Better parenting behaviors　親職行為較佳

Of all of the difficult and discouraging responsibilities I have, the most difficult and the most discouraging is handling cancellation of sealings. Most of those requests come from women—women who on their marriage day were in the house of the Lord, in each case with the young man she loved. And then as the years passed there was argument, anger, losing temper, throwing a chair across the room and other such foolish and unnecessary things, until all love was gone and hatred had taken its place. Now, having run their course, there comes a request for a cancellation of a temple sealing… …You can trace it all to selfishness, thinking of oneself instead of one‘s companion. . . . Any man who will make his wife’s comfort his first concern will stay in love with her throughout their lives and through the eternity yet to come. (President Gordon B. Hinckley)

在我所有困難且令人沮喪的職責當中，最困難、最令人沮喪的職責就是處理婚姻印證的取消。大部分這樣的要求都是由女方提出的；這些女性都曾在結婚當天和她們心愛的男子共同站在主的屋宇中。年復一年，夫妻開始爭吵、憤怒、發脾氣，在房間裡摔椅子，或是做這類愚蠢不必要的事情，直到所有愛的感覺消失，並且被恨意所取代。在經歷這些過程後，他們提出了取消聖殿印證的要求… … … …你可以將一切都追溯回自私、想著自己而非想著伴侶。… …任何一個在想到自己之前先想到妻子的男人，會終其一生、並在全永恆都愛著他的妻子。(戈登‧興格萊會長)

…And there shall be no disputations among you, as there have hitherto been; neither shall there be disputations among you concerning the points of my doctrine, as there have hitherto been. For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away. (3 Ne. 11:28-30)

…你們不可和過去一樣彼此爭論，也不可和過去一樣爭論我教義中的要點。 我實實在在告訴你們，凡具有紛爭之靈的，不是屬於我的，是屬於魔鬼的；魔鬼是紛爭之父，他煽動人心彼此挾怒紛爭。看啊，煽動人心彼此激怒敵對，這不是我的教義；而這是我的教義，就是要消除這種事。(尼腓三書 11:28-30)

We seldom get into trouble when we speak softly. It is only when we raise our voices that the sparks fly and tiny molehills become great mountains of contention....The voice of heaven is a still small voice; likewise, the voice of domestic peace is a quiet voice. (President Gordon B. Hinckley)

我們若是言語溫和，就很少會讓自己捲入麻煩。只有在我們說話的聲音變大時，才會造成摩擦、導致重大的紛爭。… …天堂般的聲音是一個微小的聲音；同樣的，在家中的平安的聲音，應該也要是溫和微小的聲音。(戈登‧興格萊會長)

Let husband or wife never speak in loud tones to each other, “unless the house is on fire.” (David O. McKay)

丈夫和妻子都不要對彼此大聲說話，｢除非是房子著火了。｣ (大衛奧‧麥基)

Positive Communication

正面的溝通

A key principle:

重要原則：

• The frequency of positive communication needs to be significantly greater than the frequency of negative communication.
• 正面溝通的次數應該要遠遠高於負面溝通的次數。
• 5:1 ratio of positive and negative communication.
• 正面溝通和負面溝通的比例應該要是五比一。

Strengthen your brethren in all your conversation, in all your prayers, in all your exhortations, and in all your doings. (

Doctrine and Covenants 108: 7)

所以，要在你一切言談中、在你一切祈禱中、在你一切勸勉中，和在你一切行為中，堅固你的弟兄。(教義和聖約 108：7)

Emotional Bank Account

情緒的銀行帳戶

• Marriage is like an emotional bank account. Expressions of love create “deposits” and criticism creates “withdrawals”.
• 婚姻就像是一個在情緒上的銀行帳戶。對於愛的表達會增加｢存款｣，而批評則會造成｢提款｣。
• Emotional bankruptcy happens when there is no there is no more “money in the bank”.
• 當｢銀行中沒有存款｣時，就會在情緒上發生破產。
• Unhappy marriages are usually emotionally bankrupt.
• 不幸福的婚姻往往都是情緒上的破產。

We warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets. (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

我們提出警告，家庭的瓦解會為個人、社會和國家，帶來古今先知所預言的災難。(家庭：致全世界文告)

Benefits of Strong Marriages for Society

穩固的婚姻為社會帶來的好處

• Lower health care costs　醫療成本較低
• Lower poverty rates　貧窮率較低
• Greater economic prosperity　經濟較為繁榮
• Less alcohol abuse　酗酒情況較少
• Lower suicide rates　自殺率較低
• Higher school achievement among children 孩子的學業表現較優
• Lower delinquency rates among children 孩子的犯罪率較低

I wish with all of my heart that every marriage might be a happy marriage. I wish that every marriage might be an eternal partnership. I believe that wish can be realized if there is a willingness to make the effort to bring it to pass. (President Gordon B. Hinckley)

我全心期望每一樁婚姻都是幸福的婚姻。我希望每一樁婚姻都會有永恆的夥伴關係。我相信並且希望，只要人們願意去努力，這個期許就會成真。(戈登‧興格萊會長)